Author: Dillon P.

Frequently Asked Questions Continued…

Aside Dillon P.Leave a comment

Part 2 – time lines, money & prayer questions, answers to the questions everyone is asking.

How long is it going to take?

This is probably the number one question we get. In short we do not know the timeline. We do know that God does though. We have learned that a fast adoption doesn’t always mean a good adoption. We are consciously taking the ethical route to the best of our ability and understand that may mean a longer wait. In the end we would prefer that we can look at our child and their biological mother and say with confidence that our decisions were based on what is best for them and not what got us what we wanted when we wanted it.

Do you still want you own children?

First: Whenever we bring home the child we adopt they will be our own. We know that we will be able to love a child that is adopted just as much as we would be able to love a biological child. Secondly: We are open to building our family whatever way God sees fit. We know that at any point God could heal whatever is broken and bless us with a healthy pregnancy, but in the end we believe with all our hearts that if that isn’t the case that God will be glorified through our struggles and that His ways are better than our own.

What happens if a mother decides to parent?

Then praise God. An expectant mother doesn’t terminate her parental rights until a couple days after the baby is born. In those few days in the hospital that mother is able to hold her child, bond, breastfeed, take pictures and make sure that she is positive that placing her child for adoption is the right option for her. In these few days some mothers do decided that they feel capable of raising their child and being a mom to their child. While we would love nothing more than to bring a child into our family we desperately want the child’s mother to have as little doubt as possible that she made the right decision. When an expectant mother decides to raise her child we will be heart broken and joyous at the same time and will keep her in our prayers.

Another reason that we get asked this question is because people want to know if we will get the funds that helped the mother through the pregnancy reimbursed. The short answer is no. While this would be hard those funds are not reimbursable as they went to support an expectant mother. We are looking at this as a way we can bless a mother who needed financial help during her pregnancy.

What happens if you get scammed?

We understand that while this is a possibility there is actually a low probability of this happening. Unfortunately drama is what sells, the few stories of adoption scams get widely published and talked about while the stories of calm adoptions go by quietly. We have also taken the necessary precautions like going through an agency and using a lawyer instead of self matching or self advertising.

How can we help?

Continue to pray for us as we walk through this time and come along side us in anyway you feel you can. Allow the Lord to work though you in this time to support us in anyway you feel fit. There are consistent decisions that we need to make so praying that God would give us wisdom through this process is always helpful. Ask questions, we enjoy talking about the good parts, and the hard parts. We would also really appreciate it if you would pray for the expectant mother and baby that we get matched with, that they would be healthy and that God would protect them wherever they are.

How much do you have left to raise?

We won’t know how much the adoption will cost until after we are matched and chosen by an expectant mother. In the meantime we are estimating that the adoption will cost $39,000. This could be an over-estimation or an under-estimation, but we won’t know the solid number realistically until everything is said and done.

When is the next fundraiser?

We have a couple fundraising ideas in the works but don’t have anything nailed down. The next big cost will be our home study. We have paid our home study application fee and have $1,500 that will be due in chunks over the next couple of months. While we don’t have an organized fundraiser we will always be selling coffee through Gobena and our adoption shirts through Bonfire. We have been amazed by all the support that we have received already, when you buy a bag or 4 of coffee or a shirt that money is easily accessed and can go towards things like application fees, profile books, ect that will be a regular occurrence the more we pursue the adoption.

What happens if you raise more than you need?

If we end up raising more funds that we need for the adoption we have a couple of options and depending on how much extra was raised and based on the donors preferences we would like to give the extra funds to an organization that helps birth mothers adjust to life after placement. If and when this becomes a reality we will be very honest and open with what we are doing with the raised money.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 12:12

Frequently Asked Questions

Aside Dillon P.Leave a comment

Part 1 – You asked, we did our best to answer!

Where are you adopting from?

We are adopting domestically, which just means from the US. We are not going through the foster care system but are going through private adoption. This means that on average the children are newborns up to about two years old.

Why aren’t you doing foster care?

We have gotten this question often especially when we start talking about the cost of private adoption. While we have a heart for foster care we came to the place last summer where we realized that foster care at this time is not for us. When stepping into foster care the goal needs to be family re-unification not adoption. These journeys have similarities but are honestly two very different journeys with very different goals. This difference and the unpredictability of foster care have led us to pursue domestic private adoption.

Why aren’t you doing international adoption?

Each country has their own requirements for adoption but most countries have requirements for length of marriage, age of both spouses, ect. When we did our research for international adoption we realized that we were extremely limited in our choices of countries and decided that we would rather wait and be able to make a decision later on in life on whether or not we would adopt internationally. This decision isn’t really on a monetary decision as the cost for domestic adoption and international adoption are not extremely different depending on the situation and the country.

Why does it cost so much?

The shock is always evident when we explain the costs behind domestic adoption. The fees and costs involve many different government officials who have to do paper work and the legal matters to insure that all goes smoothly. Honestly it is difficult to swallow the cost because people want to adopt but feel they can’t afford it. We recognize that there is a real issue with the cost and this is primarily the adoption professional’s fault. The “ick factor” of the adoption business, is just that, a money making business, some professionals profit greatly from this work. It is not OK. As we pursue adoption we are making a concerted effort to scrutinize each professional expense to the best of our ability and to hold the adoption professionals that we use to not only legal standards but ethical standards.

Are you open to any race or ethnicity?

Absolutely, and we feel that the Lord is leading us to do this. This decision isn’t one made in ignorance though. We have spent countless hours already leaning in to what this would mean for us, our families, our community, and the child that is placed in our home. We didn’t come to this decision because we “didn’t want to be racist” or because “the wait for a white baby is longer”, rather we have done our best to make sure that this was an educated decision.

What is the difference between and open, semi-open, or closed adoption?

Openness refers to the relationships with the first or biological family. There has been a large out of research that has come out in recent years that points to the openness in adoption to be beneficial for all sides of the triad. Openness can be anything from letters and pictures sent a certain number of times a year to visiting with biological family. This decision is ultimately made by the birth mother but is not something that is enforced after the adoption is finalized. This is the relational part of the adoption, this is the part where we recognize the beautiful pieces and the hard pieces of adoption.

Why do you want to do an open adoption?

We are greatly hoping for an open adoption and would have to really pray through a closed adoption if that is what the birth mother wants. In the end because openness is not enforced after adoption it becomes a relationship between the adopted family and the biological family after placement. Each situation is different and can change in the years following placement. From our side of things we have determined to do what is best for the child not what is most comfortable for us and we will pursue openness whenever possible.

Have a question for us? Message us and ask, we love talking about the real pieces of this adoption. We will post another blog with some more questions in a few days!

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!

Psalm 133:1

My Reason Why

Dillon P.Leave a comment

Adoption. Kirsten and I started talking about it when we started dating. What should we do? When should we adopt? Why should we? Can we make this work? These were the question that were running through my head and some of those questions are still running through my head now. My then girlfriend and now wife continued to have these conversations with me but nothing seemed to take place towards starting the process. We loved the idea of adding a little kiddo to our family but we didn’t know what that looked like until just recently.

My wife and I have had our fair share of struggles in the 2 years we have been married. We have lost 3 children and that has been hard to cope with and learn how to love God in our valley and walk forward in our call to glorify Christ. We lost Matthias, Avery, and Riley, but they are with the Lord and they will dwell in His house forever.

I say this because adoption has never been our back up plan, nor has it been an answer to loss, rather it is the call on my wife and I to love the lost and care for the orphan. This is a priority to us and to adopt means that we are helping the child not only by giving them a life they deserve but by making Jesus a priority in their lives.

Our intention through this process is not that we would just be given a kid. We are here so that Christ would be known and that we would be a light in dark places. We are here to care for the orphan and the widow. We are here because we were given the ultimate sacrifice in Jesus and the sacrifice that he made on the cross, so that we could be called children of God because we have been adopted for life.

God has been good to us through these years of knowing each other and we are looking forward to this adventure together. Pray that we would see what the Lord wants us to see and we would not only rely on Him, but that we would find our strength in Him.