infant

Aniyah Royal

Aside Kirsten P.Leave a comment

So many times I thought about writing about our wait, writing about how this adoption process was changing our lives, our hearts, and our relationship with Christ. Life moves on and it went on the back burner. This journey has brought so many unexpected trials and gifts. Now its time to tell the story of how we became parents to Aniyah overnight.

We had spent the last couple of months reading over cases that gave details about different expectant mothers and their pregnancies. We had chosen to present our family book to several mothers and each one picked a different family. We prayed over each of these women and praying that God’s will would be done and that whatever family these women choose, that the family would love these women well and present the gospel to them through their words and their actions.

It is hard to believe that exactly 29 weeks after we became home study approved we chose to present our family book to Aniyah’s biological mother. Monday night Dillon and I were doing normal life things, Dillon was playing Xbox and I was on a virtual book club call. At 9:21 pm (right as my book club was ending) we got an email saying that a baby had been born in Florida on Saturday night and that if we wanted to present our book we had to say yes to the case by 8am the next morning, we had to be able to get to Florida the next day, and all of the money for the case had to be available if the mother chose us. We had only presented to a handful of cases before and we knew that by us saying yes we had to be ready for all of this but we also had to be ready to hear no. The decision to present our family book wasn’t easy, we were about $9,000 short for the whole case on top of the huge undertaking of going from nothing to baby is less than 24 hours.

Dillon and I both called our parents and then I called our financial advisor and his wife from our consultant company. I reminded them the we had no assets, no fountain of money, and not great credit. After our calls we sat down to talk about it more and I was wavering between so many thoughts. Do we trust that the God who determined how the die would be cast in Esther was the God who would determine what family this mother chose. Should we depend on the belief that if God knew that this case was the daughter and expectant mother for us then he would give us the funds that we were lacking? Or did we know that while God gave Sarah children He had her wait decades before fulfilling His promise to her (not that God promised us children like Sarah.) Were we being challenged to step out in faith and trust that God would fulfill all the requirements or were we being challenged to have faith in our wait and be patient? After praying together we decided that we needed to be praying that whatever family this mother chose that they would present Christ to her with their actions, and their words. Dillon wanted to be able to sleep on the decision and we went to bed (very late.) Because Dillon had to leave for work the next morning at 7 am I woke up Dillon at 5:50 am so that “we would have time to talk about it.” Dillon woke up and said that there was no reason to say no, we had put our yes on the table months before and even though this situation was a little scary we were ready to say yes. After letting a few people and our families know that we were waiting on the mother’s decision we both went to work.

We knew that we should hear a response that same day and after some back and forth at 2:53 pm the agency and our consultant called me to let me know that we needed to start making our way to Florida because Aniyah’s biological mother had chosen us and had signed the paperwork required. We had a daughter waiting in a hospital in Florida.

Dillon got home at 3:30 pm, he helped me finish up packing and we decided that driving down to Florida would be quicker and less stressful. So at 4:48 pm we had picked up some baby items from our sweet friends who had gotten a suitcase of clothes, a diaper bag, a pack-and-play, and more ready for us the moment they heard we had been chosen, and we were driving south to Florida.

Dillon drove for a couple hours and when we stopped to grab a quick dinner I took over driving. We arrived in Jacksonville, Florida at 12:30 am on Wednesday, February 17th and picked up Aniyah from the home of the agency director who had picked up Aniyah when the hospital had discharged her that evening free of any health concerns.

While Dillon and I had refused to look at baby names we had a list that we had put together over 4 years ago together while we were engaged(yep… I know… crazy). After we had chosen to present to Aniyah’s biological mother Tuesday morning I felt like we should have a name. After looking at a few baby names list I remembered we had the name Aniyah on our list and I looked up the meaning.

Aniyah: God is gracious, and protected by Jehova

Nothing fit our situation better!

More on our story to come!

Friends & Family

Aside Kirsten P.Leave a comment

Well hello!

The holidays are finally over and some semblance of a normal schedule has returned to the Pegram house. We had a lot of fun of Thanksgiving and Christmas spending time with our families. We also were able to go to 4 wedding for friends in December and January, it’s so much fun getting to watch two people become a family. While weddings are gorgeous days for celebrating my favorite part is watching the married couple as they proceed into marriage, it often doesn’t look anything like either of them planned. I will never forget only a couple months into marriage texting my mom asking for prayer over something that my new husband and I were struggling with, she asked if she was allowed to share with a few family friends. Over the next couple of weeks texts would randomly come in at the hardest moments from people letting us know that they were praying. A family of brother and sisters in Christ is an invaluable blessing.

As we got to spend time with family we have just been reminded of the value of family and friends. We have been so blessed with a group of people behind us willing to pray, encourage, correct, support, and love us and we don’t ever want to take that for granted. We have been blown away by the kind of support and encouragement that we have already received.

Most couples have a desire to adopt but end up not pursuing it due to the overwhelming price and the thought of fundraising. When Dillon and I decided to pursue this adoption we had a peace about the finances (Not to say that we have never gawked at the cost or worried how we would actually pull it off). We both have seen over and over that when God calls His people to something He provides the means to do it. We have a peace in knowing that we could not do this by ourselves.

While we prepare for the adoption we are spending a lot of our time doing our best to educate ourselves on adoption. We have learned a lot about the process of adoption, but we have also been learning a lot about what ethical adoption looks like. We have learned that in the history of adoption a lot of the focus has been on the adoptive parents and then on the adopted child. Only in the recent past have we begun to look at the first family as a vital piece of the adoption triad. Dillon and I have been given such a heart for these women who are placing their children for adoption.

Are you interested in learning more about how you can help us in the adoption? As we are learning so much we are reading several books, listening to podcasts, reading experiences and stories from adoptees and birth moms, and more. It can be hard to sort through this information and figure out how to best pass some of this information on to others. Thankfully one of our favorite podcasts recently came out with an episode just for family and friends of those who are adopting. You can listen to this extremely helpful episode on their website or on any podcast player.

We are so grateful for all of the support we have received so far, and we don’t just mean monetarily. Your prayers are not over looked, and the intentionality behind your questions, your willingness to listen to us as we talk through things, and your interest in learning more with us are all things that we so deeply appreciate.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:7

Starting Our Home Study

Aside Kirsten P.Leave a comment

Consultant companies, fundraising, and more…

Since we announced our adoption plans on August 27th Dillon and I have been working through the steps of setting everything up for this adoption journey. We have been able to sit down with those who have gone before us in the adoption process and started the process of finding more families. (If you have done domestic adoption before please feel free to reach out to us, we are looking for people to share their story so that we can ask all of the questions!)

BIG NEWS: We have chosen our consultant company! This wasn’t an easy task, this company – our consultant, will be the person walking with us through every step of the process. We wanted to choose someone we felt confident and comfortable with while also looking at the company’s policies, standards, and ethics. We are so excited to be working with Mustard Seed Adoption Consultants! With this decision we are finally ready to start our home study and pay our consultant fee.

We have waited to start the home study until we could get the advice of our consultant, who will be able to tell us who they have worked with before, what qualifications we should look for, and those that will provide the best education and preparation for the adoption.

With these steps comes the need to start making payments. These first “smaller” amounts will be a part of the average $40,000 that a domestic infant adoption costs. Our home study will cost any where from $1,300 – $1,600 in North Carolina. We will also pay about $3,000 for our consultant fee. Depending on what day it is, what hour it is, and how Dillon and I have looked at these cost they either seem very doable and simple or an unfathomable amount of money. We have been trying to penny pinch in order to be able to save as much of our own money for this adoption as possible but we know that we would never be able to afford it without fundraising.

We have set a goal to be home study approved by the end of January which would mean that we would have to start our home study by the beginning of December at the latest. We know that every step will happen in God’s timing but we also know that setting goals and a time line helps us as we move through this long process.

We have been thinking through different ways to fund raise the first $4000. One of the ways that we are hoping to raise some money is by partnering with a company that creates custom signs and art for fun Christmas gifts. The woman who runs this company has a huge heart for adoption, is single, and she gives all her proceeds to families that are in the process of adoption. We are currently filling out paperwork to see if we qualify before our home study is competed.

We also, have decided not to start a crowd or fund raising website for the time being. After we are home study approved we will be applying for an adoption grant through our home church, Imago Dei, and through that we will be getting a donation page. All donations that are given through them will be tax deductible.

If you are wanting to make a cash donation to us for the consultant/home study fees you are always welcome to send us a check and just put in the memo that it is for the adoption. If you are wanting to make sure the money is tax deductible you are now able to donate to our church (through their website) and just make sure to notate that it is for the “Pegram Family Adoption”. We will have access to all the money that is donated there.

In looking for ways to raise money I have struggled with the thought of asking our friends and family to help monetarily. I have fund raised many times before for mission trips and camp but never an amount of this magnitude. In my selfishness I have not wanted to ask for help in this way but I have had to remind myself over and over that this is what the body of Christ is for. If Dillon and I were able to pay for this adoption all by ourselves we would but we know that God will be glorified through the body of Christ working together to care for an orphan child and any expectant mothers along this journey.

Please pray for Dillon and I as we begin to start (what feels like never ending) paperwork for this adoption. Also, be praying for wisdom and grace as we start the fund raising and home study process and all the decisions that will come along with it.

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

Romans 12: 4-5

From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Ephesians 4:16

Consultant Company or Placement Agency

Aside Kirsten P.Leave a comment

When we started looking into the first steps we realized that the agency or consultant company was an important decision. The company you choose will be responsible for sending your profiles of expectant mothers, presenting you to these mothers, answering your questions, referring you to attorneys, and home study companies. They are your main point of contact.

One of our big goals is to adopt ethically. This may seem like a given but the ins and outs can be a little foggy. Part of adopting ethically is making sure that the expectant or birth mother is treated with dignity and respect. Adopting ethically also means knowing where your money is going, unfortunately there are too many people who seek to take advantage of expectant mothers and hopeful adoptive parents and while there are something that you just couldn’t know ahead of time having a company who is paying attention to red flags is a must.

Consultant companies are usually non-profit companies that can be a middle man hopeful adoptive parents. Consultant companies are hired usually at the beginning and they refer you to home study companies, help you figure out how to fund raise, save your money, and apply for grants. They also are there to point you to resources and answer your many questions as you walk through this journey.

Consultant companies also make it so that you do not have to pick one agency and wait until they have an expectant mother to match you with. Some agencies match quickly because they have an abundant amount of expectant mothers who trust them and other have more waiting families than they have expectant mothers. Some couples wait years because most agencies require a large upfront payment (sometimes half the adoption costs) and then they don’t have many opportunities to present or sometimes you may have preferences that don’t match what this agency’s mothers fit.

When Dillon and I were looking at both consultant companies and placement agencies we didn’t feel too strongly one way or the other. As we began to search the list of possible consultants that we liked and we felt comfortable grew while the list of agencies stayed small. As we researched the benefits and the cons of consultant companies we realized that the helpfulness, and the intimacy offered by a consultant company would be invaluable and was just what we were looking for.

This means that we will hire a consultant company before starting our home study so that we can get first hand knowledge on the best company near us as the home study is a very important and educational piece of this puzzle. This also means that we will be presented to mothers from multiple agencies and then once we are matched we will essentially be matched with an agency as well.

One of the more difficult things about going with a consultant is that we are not specifically looking at the agency requirements and ethics until after we are matched with an expectant mother. We have made sure to choose consultant companies that pay close attention to the ethics of the agencies that they work with and we feel such a peace in this decision.

Right now we have two christian consultant companies that we are deciding between. Both have excellent reviews, are professional and easy to reach, and line up with what we are looking for. The main differences are the way that expectant mothers are presented and the length of time that the agencies have been practicing, one has been around much longer and the other is newer. We would love your prayer as we seek God’s wisdom in this decision, we really don’t feel like there is a right or wrong answer but more are trying to make a big decision.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

James 3:17