What is the big picture of domestic infant adoption?

One of the first things I did when we started this process was join one of the bigger domestic adoption support groups on Facebook. I have known many families who have done foster care, adopted out of foster care, and adopted internationally. I knew a lot less couples who had done domestic adoption and even fewer who had done so in the last 3 years (things change all the time in the adoption world). I knew I needed to dip my feet in someone and learn where a good starting point was.

So there is a general flow of adoption…

1. The Home study (can take anywhere from 2 to 11 weeks)
2. Creating the family portfolio
3. The Wait (the average pre-placement is anywhere from a few weeks-4 years)
4. Getting Matched ( a couple can match with more than one expectant mother before an adoption)
5. The birth of the child and Termination of Parental rights
6. Finalization

The home study usually the first official step for any type of adoption and the home study varies based on if it is for a domestic adoption, international adoption, or foster to adopt. The home study, while it does include a walk through of your living space, is not really about your home. The home study is the assessment of the couple or family that would be adopting a child and their ability and readiness to go through the process. Your home study is completed by a social worker. They will walk through the house, set up interviews, and provide education on how to prepare for adoption. The majority of couples who apply for a home study are approved as long as they are ready emotionally, monetarily, and physically, they have a safe home, and are prepared for adoption.

The purpose of creating a family portfolio or adoption book, is so that you can be presented to expectant mothers. These books usually contain a “Dear Expectant Mother letter” and photos of the couple of family. Each expectant mother is looking for something different when they decide to place their child. Your family book just helps a mom get to know the kind of family that her child would grow up with. Our goal in our book is to be open and honest with who we are and what kind of family we have.
P.S. if you have any good or raw pictures of Dillon or I that you think belong in our family portfolio feel free to email them to me. Sometimes candid photos can capture people much better than posed pictures can.

The most known part of adoption is the wait. There are an almost equal number of families that have had a baby placed within 6 months of being home study approved and those that have waited years for placement. This is also considered one of the hardest parts of adoption. We are praying now that we would be able to tackle the waiting period with patience, grace, and contentment. One of the benefits of the wait is it gives us time to gather the money that is required when you are matched.

Getting matched means that we were presented to an expectant mother who choose to match with us. We love that while we get to choose what mothers we want to be presented to the expectant mother gets to have the final decision. While it can be hard to hear that an expectant mother didn’t pick you we know that God has a plan for each and every one of us involved in this process. (Feel free to remind us of that in the midst of this coming season.)

While it feels like this should be the last step placement is only the beginning of the end. Placement can take many forms. There is something called a stork drop where a mother did not make an adoption plan prior to going into the hospital or choose a family and she places the child for adoption. The more common situation would be matching with an expectant mother and then waiting until she goes into labor and then driving or flying to whatever state she is in. Expectant months sign the TPR (Termination of parental rights) usually when she is discharged from the hospital. After the TPR has been signed based on each state’s laws the mother has a certain amount of time before she can revoke her terminal, this is called the revocation period. After the TPR has been signed and the revocation period has passed the child would legally be ours.

The final step is finalization, where we would go before a judge and receive a revised birth certificate where our names and our child’s would be changed. These are the cute pictures that you see taken in the courthouse with a judge and while this is the last piece to make the adoption final we know that it doesn’t erase the fact that this child was born to another family. We are hoping to have a semi-open or an open adoption were we will be able to send pictures and updates to the birth parents or family and possibly even have the birth mother meet our family and visit with her biological child. Numerous studies have shown that adoptees that always knew they were adopted and were apart of an open adoption have less trauma that those in a closed adoption. While this would be our preference we understand that this is up to the birth mother’s decision and can change over the years.

We would ask that as you pray for us in this process that you would also pray for the expectant mothers that we will interact with and for our eventual child. We also would ask that you would learn a little about kind and considerate language in regards to adoption and expectant parents. We seek to glorify Christ with everything that we do in this process and the beginning of that is caring for others and their hearts.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:9-10