home study

What Happens in the Wait

Aside Kirsten P.Leave a comment

Our story isn’t finished! It wasn’t over the day we picked up Aniyah. A new chapter had started. First, I want to go back, back to that period of waiting.

We didn’t write many updates, or tell stories during those months of unknown. Our days were full of going to work, going to church, hanging out with friends, seeing family, building my doula business, working as missionaries at our apartment complex, filling out paperwork, and wondering.

After our home study was complete we set to saving every penny we could, sharing our story as much as was polite, and explaining adoption to many who had LOTS of questions.

Days would go by where we didn’t think about it much and other days when all could think about was what season we would bring our baby home in. What state would this baby be from? What would the mom look like? What kind of expectant mother would choose a couple that was so young? Would we ever have enough funds to present our book to a mother considering adoption?

That last question caught me so many times. With COVID at its height I was unsure we would every raising enough funds, would we be able to save enough? Would we both keep our jobs during this whole thing? Our savings and adoption account grew at a steady and unreassuring rate.

I will never forget the first time I connected with an expectant birth mother. I will still never be able to tell you why her, but I can still tell you her name. When I read the case I wanted to present our book. After talking with Taylor at our consultant company it was apparent we weren’t in a financial place to present. Most of the money was due immediately and we didn’t have half of it. I was so confused, why was I drawn to this case when there was no hope? Was this a sign that we would never be ready?

Why is it so easy to doubt the whole plan at the first sight of trouble? Almost all the adoptive families I have talked with, ready stories from, and listened to on social media have at least one story of completely doubting they should adopt at all before they brought a child home. My consistent doubt was “will we ever be ready at the right time.”

In those times usually it was Dillon who would reassure that we would wait the proper amount of time according to God’s will and our job was to be patient and know that we weren’t in control. Looking back it is much easier to say but we were on God’s timeline. We began the process at the right time, we walked through the home study at the right time, and we presented our book at the right time. We only had to trust that the best things happen when we are not in control.

T Shirts and Coffee!

Aside Kirsten P.Leave a comment

It’s Fundraising Time!!

There hasn’t been any real tangible updates so far, until now! We have completed the application to our consultant company and filled out all the paperwork for our first grant and fundraising page. So much of the work so far has been behind the scenes, and mostly in our heads. Finally we are ready to start putting out tangible ways that others can help us on this journey and we are more than ready.

We are working on starting our home study which I mentioned in our last update. We still need $4,000 and have finally decided on a few ways we would like to ask for your help.

The first way is through our T shirt fundraiser. A lot of thought went into these shirts and we hope you love them as much as we do! The proceeds will go to help us start our home study. We have HUGE goal of 120 shirts but we are reaching high and hoping that our many communities will be as excited about these shirts as we are. The shirts are very general so sharing them with your family and friends even if they don’t know us would be a huge blessing. Also, if you order your shirt by November 27th it will be here before Christmas.

Make sure to read the bottom our our t shirt page as it explains the inspiration and reason behind our design! The more shirts we sell per batch the more money per shirt is raised.

We are also going to be partnering with Gobena Coffee. Who doesn’t love coffee right? By purchasing your coffee through Gobena they will give 50% of every purchase that is made through our page into our adoption fund. Dillon and I love the passion and purpose of Gobena. You can read their story here! They have a huge heart for orphan care and have some great coffee options and even have gift baskets right in time to get a gift for the coffee lover in your life.

If you have any questions please feel free to reach out to us. We would love for prayer as we save funds each month in order to get us closer to starting our home study. We would love to start our home study before the new year but know that God’s timing is perfect.

Starting Our Home Study

Aside Kirsten P.Leave a comment

Consultant companies, fundraising, and more…

Since we announced our adoption plans on August 27th Dillon and I have been working through the steps of setting everything up for this adoption journey. We have been able to sit down with those who have gone before us in the adoption process and started the process of finding more families. (If you have done domestic adoption before please feel free to reach out to us, we are looking for people to share their story so that we can ask all of the questions!)

BIG NEWS: We have chosen our consultant company! This wasn’t an easy task, this company – our consultant, will be the person walking with us through every step of the process. We wanted to choose someone we felt confident and comfortable with while also looking at the company’s policies, standards, and ethics. We are so excited to be working with Mustard Seed Adoption Consultants! With this decision we are finally ready to start our home study and pay our consultant fee.

We have waited to start the home study until we could get the advice of our consultant, who will be able to tell us who they have worked with before, what qualifications we should look for, and those that will provide the best education and preparation for the adoption.

With these steps comes the need to start making payments. These first “smaller” amounts will be a part of the average $40,000 that a domestic infant adoption costs. Our home study will cost any where from $1,300 – $1,600 in North Carolina. We will also pay about $3,000 for our consultant fee. Depending on what day it is, what hour it is, and how Dillon and I have looked at these cost they either seem very doable and simple or an unfathomable amount of money. We have been trying to penny pinch in order to be able to save as much of our own money for this adoption as possible but we know that we would never be able to afford it without fundraising.

We have set a goal to be home study approved by the end of January which would mean that we would have to start our home study by the beginning of December at the latest. We know that every step will happen in God’s timing but we also know that setting goals and a time line helps us as we move through this long process.

We have been thinking through different ways to fund raise the first $4000. One of the ways that we are hoping to raise some money is by partnering with a company that creates custom signs and art for fun Christmas gifts. The woman who runs this company has a huge heart for adoption, is single, and she gives all her proceeds to families that are in the process of adoption. We are currently filling out paperwork to see if we qualify before our home study is competed.

We also, have decided not to start a crowd or fund raising website for the time being. After we are home study approved we will be applying for an adoption grant through our home church, Imago Dei, and through that we will be getting a donation page. All donations that are given through them will be tax deductible.

If you are wanting to make a cash donation to us for the consultant/home study fees you are always welcome to send us a check and just put in the memo that it is for the adoption. If you are wanting to make sure the money is tax deductible you are now able to donate to our church (through their website) and just make sure to notate that it is for the “Pegram Family Adoption”. We will have access to all the money that is donated there.

In looking for ways to raise money I have struggled with the thought of asking our friends and family to help monetarily. I have fund raised many times before for mission trips and camp but never an amount of this magnitude. In my selfishness I have not wanted to ask for help in this way but I have had to remind myself over and over that this is what the body of Christ is for. If Dillon and I were able to pay for this adoption all by ourselves we would but we know that God will be glorified through the body of Christ working together to care for an orphan child and any expectant mothers along this journey.

Please pray for Dillon and I as we begin to start (what feels like never ending) paperwork for this adoption. Also, be praying for wisdom and grace as we start the fund raising and home study process and all the decisions that will come along with it.

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

Romans 12: 4-5

From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Ephesians 4:16

Basics

Kirsten P.Leave a comment

What is the big picture of domestic infant adoption?

One of the first things I did when we started this process was join one of the bigger domestic adoption support groups on Facebook. I have known many families who have done foster care, adopted out of foster care, and adopted internationally. I knew a lot less couples who had done domestic adoption and even fewer who had done so in the last 3 years (things change all the time in the adoption world). I knew I needed to dip my feet in someone and learn where a good starting point was.

So there is a general flow of adoption…

  1. The Home study (can take anywhere from 2 to 11 weeks)
  2. Creating the family portfolio
  3. The Wait (the average pre-placement is anywhere from a few weeks-4 years)
  4. Getting Matched ( a couple can match with more than one expectant mother before an adoption)
  5. The birth of the child and Termination of Parental rights
  6. Finalization

The home study usually the first official step for any type of adoption and the home study varies based on if it is for a domestic adoption, international adoption, or foster to adopt. The home study, while it does include a walk through of your living space, is not really about your home. The home study is the assessment of the couple or family that would be adopting a child and their ability and readiness to go through the process. Your home study is completed by a social worker. They will walk through the house, set up interviews, and provide education on how to prepare for adoption. The majority of couples who apply for a home study are approved as long as they are ready emotionally, monetarily, and physically, they have a safe home, and are prepared for adoption.

The purpose of creating a family portfolio or adoption book, is so that you can be presented to expectant mothers. These books usually contain a “Dear Expectant Mother letter” and photos of the couple of family. Each expectant mother is looking for something different when they decide to place their child. Your family book just helps a mom get to know the kind of family that her child would grow up with. Our goal in our book is to be open and honest with who we are and what kind of family we have.
P.S. if you have any good or raw pictures of Dillon or I that you think belong in our family portfolio feel free to email them to me. Sometimes candid photos can capture people much better than posed pictures can.

The most known part of adoption is the wait. There are an almost equal number of families that have had a baby placed within 6 months of being home study approved and those that have waited years for placement. This is also considered one of the hardest parts of adoption. We are praying now that we would be able to tackle the waiting period with patience, grace, and contentment. One of the benefits of the wait is it gives us time to gather the money that is required when you are matched.

Getting matched means that we were presented to an expectant mother who choose to match with us. We love that while we get to choose what mothers we want to be presented to the expectant mother gets to have the final decision. While it can be hard to hear that an expectant mother didn’t pick you we know that God has a plan for each and every one of us involved in this process. (Feel free to remind us of that in the midst of this coming season.)

While it feels like this should be the last step placement is only the beginning of the end. Placement can take many forms. There is something called a stork drop where a mother did not make an adoption plan prior to going into the hospital or choose a family and she places the child for adoption. The more common situation would be matching with an expectant mother and then waiting until she goes into labor and then driving or flying to whatever state she is in. Expectant months sign the TPR (Termination of parental rights) usually when she is discharged from the hospital. After the TPR has been signed based on each state’s laws the mother has a certain amount of time before she can revoke her terminal, this is called the revocation period. After the TPR has been signed and the revocation period has passed the child would legally be ours.

The final step is finalization, where we would go before a judge and receive a revised birth certificate where our names and our child’s would be changed. These are the cute pictures that you see taken in the courthouse with a judge and while this is the last piece to make the adoption final we know that it doesn’t erase the fact that this child was born to another family. We are hoping to have a semi-open or an open adoption were we will be able to send pictures and updates to the birth parents or family and possibly even have the birth mother meet our family and visit with her biological child. Numerous studies have shown that adoptees that always knew they were adopted and were apart of an open adoption have less trauma that those in a closed adoption. While this would be our preference we understand that this is up to the birth mother’s decision and can change over the years.

We would ask that as you pray for us in this process that you would also pray for the expectant mothers that we will interact with and for our eventual child. We also would ask that you would learn a little about kind and considerate language in regards to adoption and expectant parents. We seek to glorify Christ with everything that we do in this process and the beginning of that is caring for others and their hearts.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:9-10